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Here you'll create or edit a custom page for your Web site.
Actual Newspaper Headlines - "Somthing went wrong in jet crash" Says Expert.
- Police begin campain to run down jaywalkers
- Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
- Drunk gets nine months in violin case
- Suvivor of siamease twins joins parents
- Farmer bill dies in house
- Iraqi head Seeks Arms
- Is there a ring of debris round Uranus?
- Stud tires out
- Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
- Panda Mating Fails: Vetranarian Takes Over
- Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
- British left waffles on falkland Islands
- Lung Cancer in women Mushrooms
- Eye drops off shelf
- Teacher strikes idle kids
- President wins on budget, but more lyes ahead
- Squad helps dog bite victim
- Shot off womans leg helps Nicklaus to 66
- Enraged cow injures farmer with Axe
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GOVERNMENT ALCOHOL WARNING
If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and spirits, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable carpet burn on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named "Big Al".
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Londoners
A londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's gettin out of his car a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speading off. More than a little distraught the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police. >
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Five miniutes later, the police arrive. before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the Londoner starts screaming Hysterically; "My Porsche, my beautiful Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche ruined. no matter how long at the panal beater it wil simply never be the same again!!." >
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After the londoner stopped Screaming and ranting, the policeman shakes his head in disgust:
"I Can't believe how materialistic you Cockney's are" he says "you lot are so focused with your possessions that you dont notice anything else in your life."
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"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Londoner.
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The policeman replies "Didnt you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you?"
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The Londoner Looks Down In Absoloute horror..............
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"Fucking Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screams............
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"Where's my Rolex ?!?!?!?!?......."
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Here you'll create or edit a custom page for your Web site.
Use this template for any additional information you need such as products, pictures, fan clubs, links or just more information It's important to regularly change the content on your site and make updates to the information that you display. Doing this will help you to get more return visitors.
Add your link here
Here you'll create or edit a custom page for your Web site.
Use this template for any additional information you need such as products, pictures, fan clubs, links or just more information It's important to change the content on your site and make updates to the information that you display. Doing this will help you to get more return visitors.
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Captured By Canibals
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword. The Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me please."The chief gives him a pistol.The Englishman says, "God save the queen!" and shoots himself. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over. The chief asks, "My God, what are you doing?" And the New Yorker responds, "So much for your canoe!" .
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Jake & The Donkey
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field ploughing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" "Well," Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down." The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale!?" |
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